Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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