My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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