She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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