I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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