umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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