i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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