K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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