Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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