I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
