i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
