You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
