fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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