im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it glows. i had to have it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
