I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
