You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
