ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
