So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
