i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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