I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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