im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
