The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
