apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
lets start a swedish sibling band together
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I love having hate sex.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
