I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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