In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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