Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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