well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
