it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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