I wannas sexs uuuuu
thus making me awesome and them whores
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
