hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
