I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We had sex on a dog bed..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
