I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
