i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
