i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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