is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
