the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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