My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh god the rape fog is back!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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