is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
