You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
