there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
