Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
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I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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