let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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