Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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