oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
