Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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