you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize