Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
