im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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