I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
