God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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