u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
