in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
