I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
