Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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