I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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