"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize