Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
