im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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