oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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