Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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