Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
